Sunday, August 17, 2008

Not fitting in

Remember the first day of school? I know, wayyyy back for some of us. Ok, maybe just me. Remember not knowing anybody? Remember finding someone who you thought you had things in common with just to find out that they were so very different than you? Remember feeling like you didn't know if you'd ever fit in?

That's where I am. As some of you loyal readers know, this journal has moved around a bit. It has evolved and downright changed sometimes. It went from
caringbridge to another blogger spot then merged with my family blog. It just never felt 100% right.

Then I started writing my book about Alex's life. The title of the book started out "Broken dreams" but in writing I realized that it wasn't about broken dreams at all, because when something breaks it's no longer useful, it's lost it's purpose. Alex's life and death have always been very useful. Him being born broken wasn't the end of the purpose of his life and his death wasn't either. It was a journey.....

So, the title of the book became "A Walk through the valley" one night. We did walk through the valley of the shadow of death in a very real way. But that walk THROUGH means we came out the other side, or at least that we have the ability to do so someday.

So here we are now in a new space. A space that feels very right with no agendas and no plans. Just living, dealing, and becoming the new me at my own pace. No censoring my feelings in fear of what people might think.

I'm Kat, my son is in heaven. I miss him terribly and some days I'm not sure how I got here or how I'll move on. Take me as I am.

The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:He leadeth me beside the still waters.He restoreth my soul:He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name' sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;Thou annointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever ~ The 23rd Psalm

1 comment:

cindys_family_eveything_blog said...

your last comment, take me as i am... makes me think of the bryan adams sone (everything i do,i do it for you)

Take me as i am, take my life, i would give it up , i would scarifice....

it seems like alot of things right now are leading to songs... (plus those words seem espically fitting for Alex as well)