Sunday, October 5, 2008

Oh Alex

You've been on my mind so much lately. I've started a new job at the hospital and talking about you with co-workers has been difficult. I'm not sure why, I've never found it difficult to talk to you before.

Last week the NICU team from Marshfield came to get a newborn from the nursery and I felt such a huge lump in my throat watching them walk past with that tiny incubator. I remember seeing you in what could have been that very same incubator and saying goodbye to you as you left for your journey to Marshfield that night, uncertain if I would ever see you alive again. For a moment I felt a connection to that mother upstairs I didn't know, as I knew how she was feeling watching her own tiny baby dissapear down the hall.

I miss you so much. It still physically hurts in my chest sometimes. Feeling like I might suffocate under the weight of it all. Then there are times I cannot comprehend it really happened, I replay the memories in my mind like a movie I watched a long time ago.

I love you bubba and what I wouln't give to hold you just one more time.

~ momma